Providing choices to gain peace in your day
Many if not most of us were feeling so thrilled to say goodbye to what could be considered a painful, even traumatizing 2020, and welcome in a fresh and glorious new year filled with hope.
Yet, despite our renewed energy, we still find ourselves at home continuing to adapt our daily schedules with that of our families. Almost as if the circumstances since the beginning of this pandemic haven’t changed.
There is no doubt there is so much to be thankful for.
We are getting to spend much more time with our children, share joyous moments together, and participate in their lives in ways that we may never get to experience again.
It is equally true, however, that there is no escape from parenting nowadays — no hot coffee in your office, no carefree chats with coworkers, no liberating karaoke time in your car, no “Me” time. It. Is. EXHAUSTING. And no matter the quantity or quality of your sleep the night before, you still wake up tired.
To make things even more challenging, the minute your kids wake up, there are so many power struggle moments that can get your morning off on the wrong foot. Getting them to brush their teeth, get dressed, eat breakfast, log in to their virtual school.. This daily routine can be a taxing and draining process.
Good news is that there are simple tricks you can use to make the morning and rest of your day carry on more peacefully.
What works in my household (and supported by research) is to give choices whenever possible to complete tasks and activities throughout the day. You select the choices, kids select from the choices given.
Here are some elements and examples of choices you can offer:
1. Choosing between items:
Have your children choose their own clothes for the day: Do you want to wear shorts or leggings? Blue shirt or Green shirt? If there is a chance that your child will fight your choice, give them choices even for the underwear and socks too.
Too busy in the morning to select clothes or give choices? No problem. You can pick the options or the complete outfit the night before!Choosing breakfast: Do you want Cheerios or granola? Do you want brown sugar on your oatmeal or honey? Give them choices that is reasonable for you. Do you want water or milk? Remember, you select the options to offer without taking extra time or putting extra effort; no need to prepare a buffet.
2. Choosing materials for an activity:
Choosing material for virtual school: Something as minimal as which pencil to use for today’s zoom class can help some kids move swiftly.
3. Choosing the order of activities to be completed:
Choosing whether to get dressed or brushing teeth first: At least in our household, it does not affect our routine whether they get dressed first or brush their teeth first. Whenever they are rolling around on the floor doing neither, I give them the options and give them the breakfast option as they get dressed or brush their teeth.
Choosing the order of homework to be completed: During asynchronous classes, where students complete assigned tasks in their own time without attending live session, the order in which the assignments are to be completed are usually not specified. Give your child the control of selecting which assignment to tackle first, second and so on.
You may notice that your child is procrastinating, working on less preferred tasks at the end. If that is the case, you select the order of the groups of assignments to be completed. That is, you can decide to have him/her complete two of the least preferred assignments first, but have your child select within the group you present.
4. Choosing what to work for:
Choosing what to deliver as a reward: You do not have to throw a party every time they complete a task; however, reinforce their completion of task or display of good effort. Have a bag or small box with small rewards they can pick from. This can be stickers, bookmarks, stamps, etc. for little ones. Perhaps a selection of music to be played during their break time for older kids.
It could simply be some reading or cuddle time with you. Any item, person or activity that they like and work for would be a perfect reward!
What you’re doing is providing controlled choices, in which the child has a level of control within the options, but the choices are selected and approved by you.
Giving choices increases overall active participation and also helps decrease the chance of you losing patience or raising your voice at them. This little tweak can help turn your morning routine from mayhem into a peaceful affair.
I hope you found these tips on providing choices helpful in making your morning routine a bit more manageable for everyone.
If you’re interested in learning more or want to schedule a time to talk about your specific concerns feel free to contact me for a free phone consultation.
Register Here for the upcoming Free Webinar: How to Stop Your Child from Tantruming and You from Yelling and Feeling Defeated on Thursday, February 18th at 11am & 7pm PST or Saturday, February 20th at 11am!
Chisato Komatsu, PhD, BCBA-D, is a licensed psychologist and Board Certified Behavior Analyst at the doctoral level with over 18 years of experience studying and working in the field of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA). I utilize evidence-based interventions, which help individuals and parents learn how to take action in their lives to achieve ideal outcomes in a safe, confidential and empathic environment. I work in Culver City and greater Los Angeles area. I am available for telehealth sessions for families throughout CA. Contact me at chisato@littlepineconsult.com or (323) 285-2221 to schedule a free consultation.
Please note that many states are waiving state licensure requirements during COVID-19. This means that you might be able to work with a licensed psychologist who lives in another state. If you have questions, please reach out.
This blog is not intended as therapeutic or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional.
